The fictional oddity: Chapter 1
by thethirdauthor
Summary: A story of colledge students and an interdemensional transporter


Ahriman: Basically this is a joint venture between me and my ally thethirdauthor the idea is to write a fic that travels between different fictional realms. With a group of college students/computer nerds as the main characters and…oh wait, thethirdauthor wants to say something.  
  
thethirdauthor: This was originally a quest of three as there is three main characters in this series. However, one of the characters was created in a fit of bad writing, and is now deeply regretted. But it would hurt his feelings if he was killed…Soooooo we may kill him if you hate him. (Its Matt) Please write your opinion in your reviews. Please let us kill him.  
  
(Ahriman pulls out a rather large chain saw)  
  
Ahriman: With a chain saw!!!!!  
  
thethirdauthor: The main character is meant to be Seth.  
  
Ahriman: Yeah you wish!  
  
thethirdauthor: You're just jealous.  
  
Ahriman: Of what short arse?  
  
thethirdauthor: My huge penis.  
  
Ahriman: Or lack of it.  
  
Monkey: This is a bizarre circumstance but come children read as we spin our tale.  
  
The Fictional Oddity: Chapter 1: Of Monkeys and Pineapples  
  
  
  
From: Morpheus22096@yahoo.com  
  
To: Vamp@Stchris.co.uk  
  
Subject:  
  
This is not real…  
  
From: Vamp@Stchris.co.uk  
  
To: Morpheus22096@yahoo.com  
  
Re: This is not real…  
  
SILENCE MORTAL!!!!  
  
P.S. You're late on your delivery of that BTVS slash fic.  
  
From: Morpheus22096@yahoo.com  
  
To: Vamp@Stchris.co.uk  
  
Subject: that BTVS fic.  
  
Fuck off I'll give it to you when I damn well feel like it, Bitch!  
  
P.S. Mum says thank your mum for the jam.  
  
Log off?  
  
Seth sat back in his swivel chair, stretching his arms. He then checked to see if no one was watching, and spun around in the chair like he was eight years old. After five minutes spinning he felt as drunk as a monkey. He then promptly walked straight into a wall while attempting to navigate his way out of his bedroom door. After a few minutes immobilized he slowly rose and found his way out successfully.  
  
Reaching his kitchen he tripped over his roommates many card sculptures he made the previous night after sobbing over the death of his non-existent goldfish. Seth staggered upright then fell over from sheer disgust of the scent of his drunken roommate, as he did every morning.  
  
His drunken roommates name was Matt and he did not often get drunk but when he did he had a habit of mourning over non-existent pets and card sculpting. He was often described as an unhappy drunk/ modern artist. Matt woke mumbling some incomprehensible phrase about flying oven gloves. Seth, recovering from the overpowering smell of beer and vomit, managed to open the fridge door and discovered that his pineapple was missing.  
  
He turned to his flatmate and said: "Dude, where's my pineapple? Did you eat it? You did you fucking asshole! Your gunna buy me a brand new fucking pineapple dude!"  
  
" Why do I have to buy you a new pineapple?" asked Matt in a drunken slur. " I didn't eat it, she did!" he said, pointing at the leg of a nearby chair.  
  
"Yes you fucking did you fucking ass, it took me ages to find that fucking pineapple and then you go and eat it."  
  
"But, but…"  
  
"Shut up dude you are buying me a new fucking pineapple!" Yelled Seth, storming out of the flat.  
  
After the irate Seth had left and Matt had gone back into his drunken slumber, a furry head stained with pineapple juice poked its head out of a kitchen cupboard and muttered quietly "Ook?"  
  
Meanwhile in his lair/college dorm would be world conqueror Wesley known by all as Vamp turned on the television after staring at his computer screen. He was greeted by the sight of a news reporter updating on a story of a missing monkey named Eric. He switched off the T.V. in disgust muttering "Only in America."  
  
Suddenly the door was kicked open for the seventh time that week and his irate friend Seth came in muttering something about pineapples and Matt when Vamp not looking at who had burst through yelled, " I'm not building any bombs, it's a science project!"  
  
"That fucking asshole Matt ate my pineapple!" screamed Seth.  
  
"What do you mean he ate it?" asked Vamp curiously.  
  
"He put it in his mouth and ate it all! That pineapple cost me 20 fucking dollars!"  
  
Vamp could see that some of his property was going to get damaged so he calmly removed his syringe filled with morphine and stabbed the needle into Seth's arm, making him as docile as a rabbit.  
  
"Big breaths now" said Vamp as Seth calmed down considerably, his leg twitching in a bizarre manner. Seth then promptly fell asleep.  
  
Matt woke to the smell of urine.  
  
"What the fuck?" he mumbled, "Must have been the beer." Matt then with great difficulty stood up and worked his way towards his room. Upon arrival he took a pre-rolled spliff out of his pocket and lit it. The computer was already on so he collapsed into his chair and checked his e-mail. He only had one new message.   
  
  
  
From: Vamp@Stchris.co.uk  
  
To: SupaStoner7777@hotmail.com  
  
Subject:  
  
Tell Seth to remember BTVS slash fic.  
  
P.S. my science project could take out all of New York! Wanna come see?  
  
Matt attempted to jump up and run to Vamp's house, but failed because he was so stoned. When he got there he saw Seth sprawled over the floor and Vamp with a welding mask on crouched over something suspiciously nuke shaped.  
  
"What the hell is that?" asked Matt because he was to stoned to realise that it was a nuke.  
  
At that moment Seth woke up and upon seeing Matt there shouted  
  
"Where's my fucking pineapple!"  
  
Before another argument over the pineapple started, Vamp interrupted and said  
  
"Check out the nuke. If the science teacher doesn't give me an A, I'm gunna blow this whole city up!" It was a hollow threat though. Vamp wouldn't kill the science teacher because he knew that he would get an A, and that the military would pay him money for it.  
  
Unknown to the three, a monkey had walked in when Matt had entered. This monkey had an empty bladder and a full stomach. Its name was Eric. A quiet 'Ook' was emitted from behind the sofa. No one heard it though.  
  
"Hey Vamp," said Seth, " Can I search on your Internet for a new pineapple, somebody ate mine" Matt received a harsh stare but was lying face down on the floor so he didn't notice.  
  
"Sure" replied Vamp, "just don't buy anything on my account"  
  
"Oh I won't" lied Seth.  
  
While he was searching for a new pineapple, Seth saw that someone was selling an interdimensional transporter. Seth didn't care for that kind of thing, but when he saw that it played snake he leapt to the bidding area. It was sold to him within seconds at the large price of $100. He shouted to the others  
  
"Guess what, I just bought an interdimensional transporter with your money!" pointing at Vamp.  
  
"How much did it fucking cost?" Screamed Vamp.  
  
"One hundred dollars" replied Seth cheerfully.  
  
"Cool" murmured Matt.  
  
"Its not fucking cool! I was going to buy a brand new Dungeon's and Dragons book you arsehole. When's it arriving anyway?" shouted Vamp.  
  
"Take a chill pill Wes dude, it gets here tomorrow"   
  
Vamp winced. Any association with his real name was painful for him.   
  
"Well when it gets here we will just have to send it back"  
  
"No way Wesley dude, this baby plays SNAKE!"  
  
"Cool."  
  
Vamp then ran off into his room crying and was not seen for the rest of the day.  
  
The Next Day  
  
"Where the hell's my bomb?" asked Vamp to no one in particular as he awoke at ten in the morning (Fairly early for Vamp). Then he went back to sleep as he saw that it was sharing the bed covers with him. The bomb was his greatest achievement and the army would have to pay him a fairly hefty sum before he would sell it to them. When he awoke again it was one in the afternoon and he heaved himself out of bed to check what mail he had got.  
  
All he had got was a package and a letter demanding that he paid the rent. He took a lighter out of his pocket and burnt the rent letter but decided to have a look at the package.   
  
As he had guessed it was the interdimensional transporter. Having places to go (Seth's flat to get his money back) he decided just to take the package with him instead of opening it then. Anyway, Seth would get annoyed if his eBay package was opened by anyone else aside from him. So Vamp got dressed, hopped on his electric Micro scooter and zoomed off in the direction of the man who owned the interdimensional transporter.  
  
"You brought it dude!" Cried Seth in excitement when he saw the small package in Vamp's hands. "You're the best friend ever!"  
  
"You are aware of course, that you will have to pay me back." Replied Vamp icily.  
  
"Dude! Harsh!" Was the only reply Vamp got.  
  
"Well go on then" Said Vamp, mildly happier, "Turn it on!"  
  
Seth was struggling to open the box, and after about 20 minutes decided that patience was not going to work, so he violently kicked it around the room instead. His kicking did open the box somehow, and because of hundreds of sheets of bubble wrap, kept the interdimensional transporter, which they had unanimously decided to call John, was preserved.  
  
While Matt frolicked in the bubble wrap, Seth opened his package up and noticed that it had a weird dial on it, as well as various random buttons. Matt eventually managed to tear himself away from the bubble wrap for long enough to have a look at the machine. Vamp wandered over as well, and they all gathered round Seth and his interesting little machine. Then they all started shouting at once, trying to get machine with their voices. They were all screaming and yelling and trying to figure out how it worked when Seth smashed the controller with his fist, and a giant swirling portal appeared right in front of them.  
  
"Dude!" Said Seth in a tone that voiced complete surprise.  
  
At that exact moment Seth was utterly compelled to throw himself into it and he did, and as he did so, he thought of Lord of the Rings, and how shite the third film was. Scared that their best friend was going to die, Matt and Vamp hurled themselves in as well, and Eric just stumbled in because there was a large pie behind John.  
  
FIN  
  
thethirdauthor: So what do you think? Homoerotic?  
  
Ahriman: Or not.  
  
thethirdauthor: He has no cojones and he trims his pubes.  
  
Ahriman: Only at Christmas.  
  
All: Gather round next time for the sequel, and write reviews  
  
Monkey: good by children. 


End file.
